October 26, 2002
Living Heartache
I have been totally slacking the past few days because of this damn cold. I am to the coughing up a lung, stuffy head stage right now. I hate blowing my nose.
I am so excited for Halloween! My work's party is tomorrow and I hope on going home with some kick ass prizes. I've had my eye on one of those TV/DVD combos.
My mom's birthday is on Wednesday. She would have been 56. When I was back home for my friend's wedding a few weeks ago I was able to go visit her grave. I am glad we choose the cemetary that we did. Because it used to be strickly Masonite and they believe that everyone is equal in death, there are no above ground headstones. Every grave is marked by an inground footstone. This really gives the place the feel of a park. It is also right on the river so the view is just gorgeous. My mother's footmarker was in place, but it was still too new to cut the grass over it. I cleared away the fallen leaves from her marker. I really felt like I should say something, but what? What should I say? So I just took in the beautiful scenery and watched my niece play. It was good enough to just be there. I really needed that.
I still get hit with a sudden overwhleming sense of loss that just knocks the wind out of me. This is how it is going to be for the rest of my life. They will become less frequent, but I know they will always be there and I have accepted this. Before her death I had always believed that I would just shut down after she was gone, but now that she is gone, I realise that she would not want it to be that way. So I go on, I live my life, because her wishes somehow became more important than mine.
--------
Posted by amanda at 08:21 AM | Comments (0)
October 20, 2002
Ctrl+C Ctrl+V
The last couple days I have been busy working on some new photo galleries that I will put up on this site. As I write this I am uploading the third of four that I plan on having. Even though I have my system down for creating photo galleries, I still find that it is extrememly time consuming. I know there are programs out there were you just plug in the pictures and it creates all the pages for you, but I like ot have a bit more control over the syle and I find that I spend as much time tweeking the pre-made pages as I spend making them myself. Thank god for copy and paste though. I should have those up pretty soon.
I had an irish dance competition this weekend that was a complete bust. I ended up twisting my ankle during my fourth dance and was unable to finish. Today I am barely able to walk. I did end up with sixth place in my first competition, the Slip Jig Special so I at least came home with a medal for my pain.
My voice is almost completely gone as well which makes my job a lot of fun considering the amount of time that I have to spend talking on the phone everyday. We'll see how long it takes before it's gone completely.
--------
Posted by amanda at 02:35 PM | Comments (0)
October 13, 2002
Nostalgia
This weekend I flew back home to Minnesota to attend my friend's wedding. I have known Mary Beth for most of my life, the two of us basically grew up together. We went to school together from kindergarten all the way through high school. Yesterday she married her high school sweetheart Jeff. They began dating in 1995, our sophomore year in high school, and have been together ever since. She is the first of my close high school friends to get married and it has been a sort of reality check for me. This is just another reminder that I am no longer a kid anymore and it is a bit frightening.
The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a blast. I got to see most of my old friends again and it was almost like we were transported back to a high school dance. Loud dance music, thumping bass, colorful flashing lights and our dance circle. A couple of us (myself included), really getting into it from the start while others simply bobbed their heads and swayed a bit. It didn't take long for the bobbers to loosen up though. Mary Beth was always the last one in high school to loosen up at dances, but last night she told me that she just could not stop dancing.
Last night I had said that I hated high school and that I remember it being a bad experience. My friend Lori said that she tried to only remember the good times in high school because we did have some wonderful times. I had a wonderful group of friends and I will always be thankful for that. There was always the six of us, Lori, Ali, Rachael, Mary Beth, Shenaz and me, with a few other members that would come and go, Janice, Mara, and various members of the theatre company. Sure we had our petty fights and there were a few times where we split into two factions for a couple weeks, but the group always came back together. I have not had any friendships like the ones I formed in high school. We get back together and it's like we are sitting at the round lunch table arguing about who has to straddle the table leg or cracking jokes about the invisible male stripper that gave us a table dance everyday.
So if any of you guys are reading this, thanks for the great times and I hope we still keep in touch.
I will be putting up my pictures from the wedding sometime later this week.
--------
Posted by amanda at 08:53 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2002
The beginning...
When I began creating this website I was unsure about what I should put on this front page. I originally was going to write an artist's statement and throw it up here, but instead I have decided to start an of online journal of sorts. This way, if my family or friends want to know what I am up to, they can visit my site. I have no idea what I will be talking about, I just plan on typing whatever pops into my head.
--------
Posted by amanda at 02:47 PM | Comments (0)